LIFE UPDATES

Ian and I still don't see much of each other, obviously, but everything seems fine to me.  He is still super understanding and lets me sleep.  He wanted sex the other day and since I have so little free time I am constantly thinking of what I should be doing for the next hour I have free (usually cleaning and whatever but sometimes I slack, I need SOME me time... it's starting to make me sad that I am enjoying doing laundry... :( )  Anywhoo, he attempted in a romantic way... by pointing to his bonar and winking at me... needlesstosay, I wasn't so interested.  I told him why though, that it's all this stuff on my mind and I have to be distracted before I can think of doing that.  He wasn't happy but he understood and then said he would help around the house.  Yea.... He did the first day.  I don't even feel like telling him what to do because I know I don't want to do it but I get it done and he does things half assed so I would rather do it myself. 

I have enrolled in an online art school for animation.  I am very excited about it.  The past couple weeks in my free time (which is really the weekend for this sort of thing, I do cleaning during the week) I have been practicing and seeing if I would feel I had enough time to do homework.  I honestly feel that I can do it, especially with my new attitude of using all my time wisely.  A baby sure does change everything, I love the person I have become.. I feel like I am really seizing life now which is one of the reasons I wanted to 1)go back to school but 2)for something that I truly enjoy.  I want to learn more and tips about animation.  I plan to try and get a job (anywhere, I am totally fine with moving and Ian is too) but even if I don't I can apply it at home.  Maybe animate Ian's comics for fun, just anything.. you need to keep a hobby!  And who knows, maybe something I did on my spare time would get noticed?  I'm really excited for this adventure!

WORK UPDATES

Well, they have switched the Supervisors around a bit around the workplace so now there's one supervisor per shift.  This means that the team leads are held up to higher standards.  So much that only Brian and I have been selected to go through "supervisoral training" but we don't get paid more.. but now we have more to do.  This is everything that I wanted.  More responsibility, to feel needed... yet I'm not happy.  I don't know if it's because of the hours.  I am not dead tired, by any means.  So the sleep pattern doesn't phase me, but I really don't have much time... Anya takes 2 naps during the day (normally I don't sleep at that time) for a total amount of 3 hours to do cleaning or whatever, usually laundry.  And then I tend to play with her all day, until my lunch where she does her own thing while I eat and usually watch a show of some kind.  And sometimes I will be finishing up laundry when she's playing or whatever but the main reason I was excited for 3rd was so that I could spend a whole day with her, everyday, so that I can help teach her things. Now some days, if I am tired because I didn't sleep well before work the night before, I am a little lazy and I just pretty much look at her play all day haha.. but most of the time I am energetic.  So during the week not much time.  And when I wake up at 9.. I usually don't get out of bed until 9:30, then eat and shower and watch maybe 20 min of a show with Ian and then I have to leave.  On Fridays... right now I'm trying to get a method down so that Saturdays won't be so shot.. so Friday and Saturday have been weird and I tend to sleep all day Saturday.. waking up only to eat one meal.  Haha.  Then Sunday comes around and I feel bad that Ian doesn't get to sleep in so I get up with her at 5-6-7am, whenever, and then it's like a weekday.  Until Ian gets up and then I usually do fun stuff on Sunday, no cleaning!  Haha.  In either case, Oscar talks to me a lot now.  I get a little annoyed because even though he is there at 6am, he doesn't come to talk to me until exactly at 7am.  And then won't let me leave til 10-15 min. after.  On Friday, who cares, but the rest of the week Ian is waiting for me!  And it seems like the only person who really talks to me there is Oscar.  Which is a bit depressing.  I don't feel very connected to anyone else and that could be a good thing since it will make leaving easier when/if the time comes.

FAMILY UPDATES

Mom is moving this weekend to her new place, I am helping her.  She is super excited.  I would be too haha.  Jacki is still pretty messed up... and apparently Peyton, at her therapy session, showed a very typical sign of being abused in some way (physical or sexual) so Jacki is very worried about that and she immediately thought sexual abuse.  I would rather not like to think of that.. but I guess Peyton has been complaining that her privates hurt.  But she still has a lot of accidents so maybe that makes a difference?  Jen is good, of course.  She talks to me a lot, I hardly talk to Jacki.  She makes artwork now, Jacki does.  And it's... pretty bad, but she keeps asking for critiques so I give her honest ones but I try to throw in some nice stuff.  But then everyone else is just automatically saying how wonderful her paintings are and that she should sell them and so she wants to do that.. and I feel like that will hurt her when no one buys any of them... and they are all named super depressing titles but then look bright and colorful.. and she's spitting them out every 2 seconds so it's not like she's putting a lot of thoguht into them.  I guess it just bugs me that people are giving her such false hope.. and then I offer up ideas on how to improve her work and she shuts it down saying, "I like to experiment, I don't want to take a class" and "I don't want actual criticism, I can't handle that"  Sounds like an artist, actually haha.  Of course I think all my stuff sucks (another typical artist saying).  Joe got a fancy new bank job so Amie can now be a stay at home mom.  I don't even know if I am jealous but I am irritated about it, so is Ian.  Ian feels like he should be farther in life and he feels we should be able to afford one person working.. we could too, we just have to cut back and I don't want to not be able to live life.  Although it would be nice to not work and just do school full time and be with Anya.  But I feel like it will be more rewarding once I'm done with school knowing how hard I had to struggle to get through it.  Other than that... I can't think of anything new.  And it's been awhile I am probably missing some important life event haha.  I turn 26 in 10 days.. woooo.

Ok, I guess that is all today,

Am

I never seem to have time to update anymore... should really make it a ritual for my break.. which varies times but today is at 5.  I can't wait for this day to be over.  I was sick a lot of the week with a high fever and this sore throat thing.  I still have throat pain but the fever is finally gone.  Other than that, work is work.

Today I had a stress test, I passed but that place sucks.  I mean I like the Memorial Hospital but this department is just retarded.  My knees feel like they have popped (like Kyle's implant ball knees from South Park) haha but seriously, they hurt like hell.  I can't wait to go to sleep in hopes that my body will recoup.  Well ... I got side tracked by talking to someone so no update today... haha maybe later.  No, YES THERE WILL BE AN UPDATE LATER.  Yea, take that interwebs!

Am

So before I forget my crazy nap dream.  Not that it was that bizarre but it was one of those that threw me off when I woke up.  So we own some house where there is a large foyer/front hall that goes for awhile and then it leads into the kitchen or the dining area or something.  Apparently we live with Justin.  Justin and I are in the kitchen and he's like, "we gotta get going" and grabs his bowling bag and I grab mine.  We walk down the hall/foyer and go to the car outside (the scenery is like my growing up house, a lot of forest around and very rural) Ian leans out of the window and then suddenly he's standing behind me in this.. getup... it looked like a black swimsuit (a one piece) but there were cut outs on it (as if it was a sexy swim suit for a girl) but I knew somehow that it was some weight lifting outfit.  He said that he would not be able to go tonight, that we shouldn't go (meaning me and him) and Justin said, "No, we need to go" and so I said that I would go and Ian looked a little sad.  Then we are back in the house in the living room (wherever that is in the house) and Ian's sitting on the couch and I'm sitting next to him with my legs over his, cuddling as we normally do.  Then I turn away and when I turn back same position and everything but it's Justin instead and Ian is just looking and I'm acting so calm and collected like we do this all the time and Ian didn't seem to care.  Then I woke up and was really out of it haha.

WORK

work is going ok but this week has been stressful.  This new report was really throwing me off but now I have the hang of it so all is good.  But last night I didn't even take a lunch because I wanted to be able to finish up the reports before I left.  And the other night I stayed late 20 minutes finishing that one report up.  Damn you CPRTOREJ!  Angie and Mark really respond to me and are willing to do crazy things I might ask as long as I am there.  Florent seems to resist more.  Good thing he usually keeps busy easy.  But he will nod to me that he understands what I ask and then do the exact opposite.  Not a fan.  And last night he kept pestering me because I have to run CPRTOREJ before we pack trash and we can't run the report until we finish production.  Well every 20 minutes he is asking, "Can I pack trash yet?" I nearly decked him... Whatever, I hope today is better haha.  Only tonight and tomorrow night.. then it's the weekend!  I think we are going to go see 21 Jumpstreet, I hope we do, it looks pretty funny.

LIFE

I went to mom's work yesterday with Anya (really she just wanted to see her haha) and Anya was great and she actually smiled at Ira (Mom's boss who is a jerk to everyone) so he picked her up and rubbed his head on her tummy and that was a little much.. she freaked out haha.  But otherwise very good.  And then we went to Applebee's for lunch and Anya had some mashed potatoes, brocolli, ice cream, caramel and fries.  The fries... mom said, "I bet your mommy wouldn't like me to give you one of these" and I said, "It's ok just don't give her a large fry to hold" and as I said this mom did that.. and then Anya proceeded to shove the whole thing in her mouth... so mom took it away.  Then she gave her little bits that she held (probably an inch long) and Anya took a giant bite out of one (1/2 inch) and then she coughed 2 times and was ready for more.. who needs chewing?? Haha.  Mom is looking into renting an apartment with a pool, that'll be great for the kids!

I don't see Ian very much.  The other day I was grumpy about work so I was going to go to Mc D's and I called him to see if he'd want something because he had the day off the next day.  He answered groggily (of course) and I was irritated that I couldn't hear him.  THat's rude of me!  It was 4:30am!!  Haha.  He said no to Mc Ds, I went anyways and then they were serving breakfast!  UGH.. so I didn't get anything.

I don't know if I mentioned but Jacki is out of the hospital and now she's down to 1/2 day therapy.  She doesn't like it, says it's more geared to people with addiction not depression or anything else.  Other than that I haven't talked to her at all.  I guess no one wants to try and work with my schedule and I would rather hang out with my baby than talk on the phone all day.  As I sit here and type while she squeals next to me.. haha but I haven't updated in a bit!!

ANYA

She will be 7 months on Sunday!  That's awesome!  And she definitely has friends at day care..there's a girl club there haha.  Her friends are Esmeralda (Essie) and Eva :)  So cute.  Essie is always trying to steal our stuff haha.. she must love all of the bright colors!  So cute.  And they said that since Anya like and is better at tummy time she does it with the other kids and they seems to like it more b/c she's good at it :)  She's a trend setter!  Also, because I don't think I wrote this and don't want to forget.  Papa said that Anya is the most beautiful baby he has ever seen.  So sweet :)

I think that's pretty much it, my memory is going I don't remember a lot so I should really do this everyday!  I know I'm not getting a lot of sleep but for the most part it's really quality sleep since no one is in the house when I slumber.  And I feel fine during the day as if I had a full nights sleep.  But there are little things (like not remembering stuff or not being able to speak sometimes) that I can tell that my body should be sleeping a bit more haha... whatever, life sucks sometimes so long as I am not turning into a zombie all is good!  And I am not a zombie.  Even mom was surprised at how chipper I was... but I never did sleep before so no big deal!

Am